Teenage Violence At Home

Violence from child to parents? You’re not alone!

July 30, 2014 Poster Uncategorized

It could easily be assumed that this might be something that only happens to ‘different’ families. You know, the families where there is perhaps physical or mental disability or maybe a child has been adopted and perhaps that means it’s not a ‘real’ family. Maybe the parents might be poorly educated, socially deprived and have never learnt how to parent properly.

Maybe the parents just don’t care.

Myths, all myths!!!

The truth is that this abusive and at times even murderous behaviour, can occur in any family.

Yes, that’s right I’m talking about families with biological children too.

* Children with physical or mental disability and children who have been adopted into a family are just as often well balanced and loving members of their families.   The point I wish to make is that there are no rules.

I recently had a conversation with a father whose mid- teen child was violent towards all the members of the immediate family, always at home when no one else could see. The teenager intimidated younger siblings, simply refused to respond to any counselling and in fact was able to manipulate the social system to that teenager’s advantage. No one was listening to the parents. Hearing the detail the father was giving me could have been a mirror of my own violent teenager. The anguish and despair in his voice was obvious.

The parents were accused of negligence because the child had said that’s what happened. The child was able to manipulate, by becoming the victim.

This man and his wife, like us, had lived for years under that spectre of violence. Their child, a biological child, had become so skewed that any attempt by his parents to rationalise a situation, to set boundaries or to comfort, was met with contempt. Just like our children treated us. Essentially there was no difference between the behaviours of our violent children (adopted) and his child.

After more conversation with this man I could see one glaring common denominator between his teen and our violent teens….a sense of entitlement.

These kids feel they are entitled to get what they want, when they want and anyway they want. It is learned behaviour.

 


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