Teenage Violence At Home

Our chameleons

July 11, 2014 Poster Uncategorized

Violent, abusive, protector, aggressor, best friend, charming…. What a crazy contradictory collection of words, but these are the words that best describe the person our son came to be.

One of the earliest memories we have is within the first six months of bringing our three children home from Africa. Our eldest would insist on dominating every situation. He would resent being corrected, especially by me (a female), or being told to do anything.

Once, he and his sister were watching television peacefully. I was in the kitchen area of the family room. For no reason, our son got up and slapped his sister across the head with such ferocity that it took my breath away. What was more frightening was that our daughter never blinked, never uttered a sound. Her head had swung back, then back in place. She just sat as if nothing had happened, as if this was her due.

I immediately confronted our son and said “don’t you ever hit your sister again”. He snarled at me viciously. It was such frightening behaviour from little children, aged 6 and 7. My son just shrugged, as if “why wouldn’t I hit her if I feel like it”.

Our daughter also resented me interfering, as if she accepted this as her role in her brother’s life, to be his pounding board. As much as we tried through their lives, we were never able change this destructive pecking order.

Our daughter, like us, was being abused by her brother, way beyond any normal sibling methods of applying hurt. She had learned, from her early life in Africa, that this was her due, but we saw her dish it out in a different way. She couldn’t talk to us, complain or admit she was feeling jealous, envious or just even having a need to dominate her younger sister. She despised any sign of weakness and refused to see it, admit it in herself.

In effect, her brother’s behaviour was been churned up within her and spat out at others in a different way.

 

 

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