Teenage Violence At Home

We have survived

July 4, 2014 Poster Uncategorized

Sometimes I don’t even know how I am going to come up with a sentence to start. There is so much to say, so much has gone on.

We are in fact, looking back. We are survivors of teenage violence at home. Our family is broken, but we, my husband and I and our youngest daughter, now a teenager, have come through it. The nightmares, the extreme sadness are part of our lives, but we live together peacefully.

Does this show the naysayers we are not to blame? For some, probably not, but our battle continues… to be believed as parents. Even now, our older children are justifying their own behaviour by accusing us of being bad parents. Working out very early that to create an aura of being victims would excuse them, as juveniles, of any ownership to antisocial behaviour.

Still we wonder, is anyone going to believe us? In the end, it doesn’t matter, because we know this was out of our hands. We tried so desperately for so many years to steer our family to harmony. I guess, on that count, for two of our three children, we failed… but not because of our actions.

We follow our instinct and parent gently. We started, more than 16 years ago. Our eldest two tore away from the family five and six years ago. We are living the heartache, and looking back. No longer living through it, but still never disconnected from it.

It took us many years to see that our two older children were subjecting us to domestic violence… one quite physically, destructively, the other not often overtly violent apart from vicious sibling behaviours, but perhaps more dangerous in its hidden insidiousness.

Yes, the cultural beliefs instilled in our children before they came to us, and the emotional baggage they carry is a little unique because they were adopted from another country, but this teenage violence at home does not seem to be restricted to this background. Many families from all walks are experiencing it, and wondering why…. And more importantly how to deal with it. We feel we came so close to overcoming it, but only close.

So, while I struggle with my reasons for blogging, and how to start each essay, my confused feelings tend to come back to one point… talking, sharing, revealing may eventually give us and anyone reading this some relief, if not the answers.

5 Responses to “We have survived”

  • Sharon says:

    We are a family of 5. We also adopted our 3 children. Our 12yr old daughter is out of control. We have been asking for help since she was 3, she turns 13 soon and life at the moment for our family is screaming, shouting, extreme violence from her every day. We have tried to get her diagnosed but we were told that she is too complicated to diagnose, which is no help to us as we want her to have medication to keep her calm.
    nobody understands what we are going through.
    our only hope is that we can get her Into residential school, which I have been told wont happen as the school she is in are coping with her behaviour. Us as a family are not coping at all.

    • Poster says:

      Dear Sharon,
      Our hearts go out to your family. Your words are like an echo of how we also felt for so many years.
      Our 1st. suggestion: google Reactive Attachment Disorder and see if that seems to fit your situation.
      Are you able to say where you’re located? e.g country, state or county.
      Stay safe

    • Poster says:

      Dear Sharon, I haven’t heard back from you and quite honestly I’m worried

      I think of you and your family every day and we truly have an understanding of what you might be going through. We were in a similar situation. We also know many others neither truly understood what it is like to live under that violence every day nor did many people believe that we (the parents) weren’t the problem, it came with our children…it is mental health and this is why I asked if reactive attachment disorder fits. We’ve since heard many ‘labels’ for this type of behaviour but the description of reactive attachment disorder fitted the most closely to our children. It was suggested to us by chance from another parent who also had multiple adopted children, one child used extreme violent behaviour. From there we were able to access professional help in the form of a child psychiatrist who had knowledge and an understanding for the family living with children who showed attachment disorders. That is the key, to find a professional who listens and understands you as a family. It leaves scars for all of you. We found out there is no magic cure but as parents we knew the best we could do was to save all of our sanity living through it. Please let me know if you have seen this message. Our kindest Regards

  • You’re a really helpful internet site; could not make it without ya!

  • ubuntuvps says:

    People, however, are beginning to learn more about this disease. And this makes it easier for a family like us. If people understand a little more then they are less cruel to those that have been touched by the disease.

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